The quiet heartache of seeing your child fall behind

by Monique Peters

Learning Coach, Learnerobics

18 April 2026

There’s a kind of mother’s heartache that not many people talk about.

It’s the quiet, constant ache of watching your child struggle to learn … and feeling like no one else feels their pain as much as you do.

For me, it wasn’t about the schoolwork, though that was important.

It was the way my son was treated.

-Mean comments from other children who don’t know how that feels.

-Bullying. 

-The kids who wouldn’t sit next to him and the parties he wasn’t invited to.

I remember sitting at school assemblies, encouraging my son to clap for the children receiving awards … he was silent, he knew they were his bullies. Other mums who would proudly talk about their child’s achievements while all I wished for was for my son to engage in learning.  I smiled on the outside, but inside I felt a mix of sadness, anger, and something I couldn’t quite name at the time — I know it now as unworthiness.

Like somehow, we didn’t qualify to be in the group of “happy achievers”.

The Things You Don’t Say Out Loud

I wanted to speak to other parents and ask them if they were aware of what their child was saying to mine, but at the time, I felt I just couldn’t.

As time went on, the unworthiness made speaking up so much harder.

I started by reporting incidents to the school, hoping something would change. But over time, I realised it didn’t make a difference anyway. The patterns continued, and I felt increasingly powerless.

At night, I would wake around 2am and lie there, unable to sleep.

That’s when the thoughts would come.

The worry.  The fear.  The questions with no clear answers.

I prayed a lot during that time.

One day I did find some strength.  I went to the office and demanded to move him from one class to another.  “We can’t do that.”  “If we do it for you, we have to do it for everyone.”  “Insurance and fire plans don’t allow it.”  I couldn’t yell and scream, but I said I would not leave until it was done.  It took a few hours, but at least he could end Year 6 without being tormented by that one particular child who’d been on his case since Year 3.

The Questions Every Mum Asks

When your child is struggling, your mind searches for reasons. You can’t help it.

I remember wondering:

- Did I do something wrong during pregnancy? 

- Am I a bad parent? 

- What on earth is happening? 

People around me tried to reassure me.

“He’s just a boy.” 

“Kids are different these days.” 

“He just needs to try harder.”

Even my husband would gently tell me not to worry.  But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right.

When Nothing Quite Works

We tried so many things that helped a little.

Speech therapy. 

Tutoring. 

Behavioural Optometry.

Worksheets I made myself, because I knew deep down, he needed more repetition.  (More about that later, as that turned out to be more profound than I would have thought).

For a while, I held onto hope.

He was reading in Year 2, so I kept thinking… maybe he’ll catch up.  In Year 4, he was refusing to read, or do much schoolwork at all. 

“You have to be tougher on him” someone said.  And I was for a while, but it exhausted me, turned everything into a battle and took a toll on both my health and our relationship.

Watching Your Child Lose Their Place

Relentlessly, school became harder and harder.

By Year 8, I hated having to send him to school.  If primary school children can be mean, they are so much worse in high school.  At night, when I couldn’t sleep, I prayed.

I also remember feeling scared for his future.  Will he be able to keep a job?  Will he succumb to drugs and/or alcohol?  How is all this affecting him?  My answer would soon come.

The stress eventually became so intense that his health declined. He couldn’t keep food down, or digest it properly, and it kept repeating on him. His doctor advised taking a term and a half off school, a blessing for both of us, and a perfect time to change schools.

The Hidden Strength I Didn’t See

What surprised me later was this:

He told me that, deep down, he had always felt good about himself. He survived by psychologically ‘pushing’ kids away to protect himself from the pain of more rejection.

Years later, with maturity, he eventually shared how painful all those years at school had really been.  My heart was torn to shreds when he said:

“I couldn’t understand why you sent me to school.”

He has forgiven me, but it remains a scar.

What I Wish I Had Known

Looking back, I can see that so much of my pain came from not understanding what was really going on.

I didn’t know about auditory processing.

I didn’t understand how deeply it can affect learning and social confidence.

I didn’t know about neuroplasticity — that the brain can change and strengthen with the right support.

This takes us back to those worksheets, as the repetition I remembered from my schooling wasn't evident in his. According to the science of learning (the body of research which informs my work) repetition is what builds and connects the brain's neurons in the process of neuroplasticity. So without that repetition, new learning doesn't "stick". Some of us just need more repetition than others.

For the Mum Who Feels This Too

If you’re reading this and recognising your own child…

You are not imagining it.  You are not overreacting.  And you are not alone.

A Different Ending

My son is now 24.

He has written 17 books and is preparing to self-publish.

From a boy who once hid in the school toilets… to a young man finding his voice as a writer.  The boy who found it hard to understand what people were saying, who refused to read or do assignments, disciplined himself to write a story that is told over 17 books.

There Is Hope

If you are in the middle of it right now — the worry, the confusion, the heartache — please hear this:

There is a way forward.

At Learnerobics, I work with parents to understand what’s happening in their child’s brain and help build the skills that make learning easier.  I build those auditory processing skills so that understanding, spelling, reading fluency and comprehension is easier.

I work with children and adults who may have autism, dyslexia, ADHD or even a brain injury – whether diagnosed or not.

You’re very welcome to book a free consultation and benefit from my experience, which over the years, has told me that when learning or reading is hard, working with the brain makes sense.